Melissa
22, Bluffton, Undergrad Student
As a child Melissa liked dolls, playing with her brothers and taking nature hikes with her dad. Her dad did all the things a typical dad did, like reading books to her, taking her to the library and drawing with her. He spent quality time with her. But her dad had two sides: good dad and bad dad.
“The bad dad sexually abused me from preschool until I was 12 years old. You can see how I was confused by his actions. This relationship is precisely what caused my life to become a nightmare,” said Melissa.
She didn’t tell anyone about the abuse until she was 15. “At that time I told a Sunday School teacher because my half-sister was born and I didn’t want her to suffer as I had,” continues Melissa. “Ultimately my dad was sentenced to 15 years at a federal prison because he manufactured and traded child pornography of me.”
The pain, guilt and shame Melissa felt led her into a deep depression, with self-harming behaviors and suicidal thoughts. She started cutting herself because whenever she was angry she felt the need to punish herself. “I felt I was worthy of the pain and the scars,” said Melissa.
She was admitted to a psychiatric hospital eight times in less than a year. “I attempted suicide countless times, but God saved me each time,” continued Melissa. “I thought I was unworthy to live because I wasn’t strong enough to keep a job, to get dressed each day or to go to my classes. I felt like I was a big disappointment, and no one would want me in such a condition. I felt hopeless and wanted to die.”
Thankfully while she was in the hospital, one of her friends found A Friend’s House and encouraged her to apply. Melissa graduated from AFH after 18 months of hard work.
She described atmosphere at AFH as loving, peaceful and stable, and she received the tools she needed to replace destructive behaviors with healthy alternatives. Since graduating from AFH, she lives on her own with her kitty, and will begin college classes. Melissa is adjusting to independence, and applying the skills she learned on her own.
“Some days are so fun, while I can’t wait until others are over. It is even harder to make good decisions if I have not been to counseling or church that week. When I feel myself wanting to deal with things as I had before, I push myself or call someone to hang out so that I can get up and get away from that thinking,” Melissa shared.
Melissa stays strong and encouraged when she reflects upon how different she is since completing the program. “I just remember how much my depression, self-harm, and eating problems used to rule my life. I compare my down days to those before AFH, and I realize things are getting better. Sometimes it is hard to see past the moment I am in. Yet, when I look at my past of childhood sexual abuse, the eating disorder, the self-harm, frequent hospitalizations and think how different my life is now, it is night and day.”
“I am learning how to live a life without issues, which can be just as difficult as giving up the issues! Because that was my way of life growing up and now I am learning how a healthy life should function daily.”
