Dear Friends,

This past Sunday at church, a couple spoke about a ministry they are a part of.  The name of it was similar to a separate pro-life ministry I am familiar with, and at lunch that day, I brought up the pro-life ministry and what it is about.  It is active during the summer, when young adults from all over the country walk from the west coast to Washington, DC.  The groups stop at different towns and speak in churches about the pro-life cause.  I mentioned how a couple of my friends who participated in this ministry three summers ago faced a lot of angry responses from people who saw them walking down the road wearing white t-shirts bearing just seven letters:  PRO LIFE.

One of the other girls spoke up at this point, mentioning that it must be really hard for women who have suffered from abortions to “be bombarded with people who get in their face about it.”  I clarified that the ministry I was speaking of in no way resembles the kind of people that everyone has heard about (or at least seen in Lifetime movies) who scream, yell, or say hurtful things.  In fact, they almost exclusively speak at churches that already identify as pro-life and have invited them to speak.  It is an entirely different facet of pro-life ministry, separate and distinct from those who participate in clinic ministry.

I was prompted to write this blog, however, because Sunday’s conversation brought to my attention one of the major problems that we, as a people who claim to be pro-life, still face in this imperative battle.  To be frank, the problem is that the large majority of people who identify as pro-life are only nominally so.  Or, as others have termed it, we are the “silent majority.”  Or perhaps we fall into that middle ground where many pro-choicers and pro-lifers share an almost identical conviction.  “I would never get an abortion, but I won’t go so far as to say it is wrong.”  On top of this is the idea that is promulgated that abortion-clinic ministry consists primarily of insensitive extremists who don’t take into consideration the woman or what she might be feeling.

This is perhaps the most prominent reason given by people who are “silently” pro-life as to why they are not more vocal about their convictions.  It also seems to be the thought of those who are on the fence.  It was certainly a lie that I bought into hook, line, and sinker when I was pro-choice.  It was also a lie that I brought up time and time again when arguing against pro-lifers, regardless of the fact that I had never witnessed for myself anyone who acted like that.  I had heard about such situations from someone who heard it from someone who heard it from someone else… you know the drill.  And I repeated it as if it were fact, because that is the way that the media portrays those who are active in pro-life ministry.

Now that I have been involved in abortion-clinic ministry—which is primarily quiet prayer and handing out pamphlets with abortion alternatives—I can say with confidence that I have never witnessed anyone who even so much as raised their voices at any woman, let alone screamed, yelled, or name-called.  I have stood outside those doors and seen the hurting women, and condemnation is the furthest thing from my mind.  The pro-life ministry is about preventing the taking of innocent lives, but it certainly doesn’t end there.  It is also a ministry of healing, forgiveness, and hope of recovery for the women, because an abortion does not involve just one victim, but two.  Many women—especially those who are young—are talked into believing that abortion is their only option, that there isn’t really a life that will be ended, or that a child will ruin their lives.  Essentially, whether it is emotionally, psychologically or even under the pressure of threats, women are often coerced into abortions.

While I will not go so far as to say that everyone ought to be actively involved in pro-life ministry, I do want everyone to consider a few things.  First, I ask that those of you who are in that middle ground I mentioned, please have the courage to consider becoming 100% pro-life.  I know from experience how hard it is to take a stand on such a sensitive topic.  It is most certainly not easy, and it is even harder when the false image of pro-lifers as screaming, flame-breathing dragons is continuously spoken of as if it were fact.  That brings me to the second thing I ask.  Please do not encourage this misleading image of the pro-life ministry.  If you are anything like I was, you may be repeating or affirming this lie despite the fact that you’ve never actually stood outside—or inside—an abortion clinic.  This doesn’t mean that there aren’t condemning voices out there, because there are, but I am convinced by personal experience that they are a very small minority.  Also, the more people that speak out for the pro-life cause in love, the harder it will be for people to continue to promote the false generalization that pro-lifers are “hateful” or “condemning” or “insensitive”.

Lastly, I challenge each person reading this to truly consider what it means to be pro-life.  If you already know that abortion is wrong, ask God for a deep and thorough understanding of why it is wrong.  Ask Him to help you to reflect on the dignity of the human person, so that you might let go of all insecurities on the topic of abortion and be able to speak on behalf of the cause of life.  Most important, if you’re well-versed on all of these things, ask the Holy Spirit to guide and direct your conversation when speaking up for life, so that people will know of God’s love for them by the words that we, as pro-lifers, choose.

“If I speak in tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging symbol…Be watchful, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong.  Let all that you do be done in love.” 1 Corinthians 13:1 & 16:13-14

Love in Christ,

-Emily

Dear Friends,

Last weekend, we got to go up to Fort Wayne to Glenbrook Mall to do some shopping.  I browsed Barnes & Noble for a while, and then ended up just walking around. I was getting really thirsty, so I set off looking for the little convenience store I had purchased a drink from last time we were there. I couldn’t find it, so I ended up going to one of the directories to look for the listing. To my dismay, the store was no longer there. I guess they put a little Asian place in where it used to be. I started to walk away, when the advertisement on the opposite side of the directory caught my eye.

I stopped. I stared. I got a little bit angry. And then I took a picture.

For the past few years, magazines have aimed to include pictures of women of all shapes and sizes—and not just the ones they label “curvy”, either.  I have seen real, average-weight women featured in fashion spreads without any mention to the fact that they were…well…normal looking!  There have been campaigns for designers and agencies to ban size-zero models. Some places have adopted this policy, while others have chosen to stick with the less-than-healthy looking girls.  Overall, though, the trend toward worshipping the super-skinny female form had been slowly eroding.

I was surprised to see this advertisement, especially from one of my favorite clothing stores, but what really ticked me off was the wording.  The ad is for skinny jeans, and so the phrase “Live in Skinny” appears over to the right of the American Eagle logo.  This just amazed me.  It seems so blatantly obvious that they purposely distorted the image so that the model appears to have tiny legs.  I wonder what the mind behind this idea was thinking.  Did they think that I would see the picture and rush in to the store to buy jeans so that my legs would look like this?  Even if I did believe that lie, once I tried on the jeans, I would certainly be disappointed by the fact that my legs did not look like the model’s.  I wonder how many girls did exactly that.  I also can’t help but be saddened by the possibility that some poor girl decided she needed to lose weight because her body did not resemble that of the model’s.

I haven’t seen anything online about this photo yet, but I hope that people speak up about it, and I really hope American Eagle decides to yank the ad.  Until then, I won’t be buying anything from them, and I will be encouraging others to cease giving them business, as well.

To end on a happy note, the weather has been absolutely gorgeous lately.  If I had to guess, I’d say it has been between 70 and 74 for the past several days.  Where I was raised, anything below 95 is unheard of in August! So praise God for the beautiful weather!  I hope you’re all enjoying it, too.  )

Love in Christ,

-Emily

Dear Friends,

Today I want to feature Elizabeth, a good friend and AFH resident that will be graduating this evening. I asked her if she would be willing to be interviewed for the blog, and she graciously agreed. Below are my questions, with her responses in bold.

Q:  You’re graduating today. Looking back, were there ever times you thought you might not? If so, what got you through those times?

Looking back at my time at AFH, there were some times when I thought I was going to give up and go home. Surprisingly, more in months seven through nine. During this time span, I was doing fairly well with my issues and it was becoming harder and harder to comply with the rules.  Not being able to go on walks for as long as I wanted, and not being allowed to have scissors in my room seemed stupid to me.  I knew I wasn’t going to do anything to harm myself and I was frustrated with having to comply with all the rules.  Coming to AFH and having to not only give up all my unhealthy coping skills, but almost all of my control, is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.  One can only last so long before they start to go crazy having to show respect to staff at all times and such.

Q:  Can you reflect on a few of your favorite moments here, as well as a few of the hardest?

My favorite time at AFH  was the camping trip we took this summer.  I had a blast hanging out with all the girls and the staff in such a relaxed environment…making some of the most creative smores I’ve ever seen, and cooking our meals as a team around the fire.  It taught me a lot about each of the women here, just hanging out with them like I would any of my other friends in the “real world”.  I felt like I bonded so much with them and I will treasure that trip forever.  Some of the hardest times at AFH have been saying goodbye to residents prematurely.  I had gotten extremely close to a few of them and loved them like sisters.  Not only was I saddened about not getting to be around them and continue developing our relationships, but I was saddened for them, that they were leaving a place of safety and a place that they could grow and change.  I have full confidence in these women that they can live successfully, and that they were able to learn many things here.  But looking at my life, and how much more difficult it would have been if I left the program at month four or five…it would have been an enormous struggle, compared to living here 10 months and learning a tremendous amount of things about myself.  It saddens me that these women will not have the same experience I was so privileged to have.

Q:  In what ways have you changed in the past 10 months?

My life has changed in every way imaginable; my relationships with God, family, and friends, and in how I value myself.  When I first came to AFH I hated God and wanted nothing to do with Him, but my idea of God was completely built on lies.  I viewed God as an angry tyrant waiting to punish me for anything thing I did wrong.  My God is not like this, my God is a loving father full of grace and mercy.  My sins sadden Him, but He is always waiting for me with open arms.

There were also many grudges I held against my parents for things that were mistakes of their own.  I had many anger issues, and was unwilling to let go of even the most minor mistake.  Because of these lies I had believed about God, and my anger, I felt completely unlovable and unable to reciprocate any love.  Rather than basing my value on the love God has for me, I based my value on the world and its standards.

Q:  If you could change anything in the program, what would it be?

I would add a soda fountain in the dining room for us to access at anytime in the day.

Q:  If you could make sure one thing about the program never changed, what would that one thing be?

The independence and responsibility the staff places on the residents.  This has been the most beneficial aspect of the program, and without it I know I would not be anywhere near prepared to transition out of the program.  I know that some woman come expecting to be monitored 24/7, or that the program will be more intense and controlled.  But this is what makes AFH unique, how else are the woman who come through this program ever going to learn to live life when they’re controlled so vigorously that the “real world” is a shock to their system?  Without the personal responsibility given to the residents, AFH would not be AFH.

Q:  What’s in store for you after graduation?

After I graduate I will be moving back to Springfield, Missouri where my family lives.  I have been awarded a full-ride academic scholarship to study neuro-science.  I never in a million years would have believed I would be healthy enough to live out on my own.  I always believed I would have to be supported both financially and physically by others.  But I am proud to say that I will be moving into my first apartment this weekend, starting work Monday, and school two weeks from now.  I can hardly wait for the upcoming months, and what the rest of my life holds.  I understand that life isn’t always going to be rainbows and roses, but it is, however, what you make of it.  I have strength through my Lord and Savior to live a successful life, and mistakes no longer have to determine my life.

Q:  For any girls out there struggling with the decision of whether or not to apply here, what would you say?

To those considering applying for A Friend’s House, I first have to say that your success is ultimately in your hands.  When you have come to a place in your life where you know you cannot go on any longer, and are ready for a change, this is the place to go.  With that said, AFH is not here to hold your hand step-by-step throughout the day.  What AFH is here for is to guide you through life, to be your friend, and to show you the truth you have been blinded to.  When you come to AFH, you will be welcomed with open arms but you will also be expected to start taking responsibility for your life.  If you’re serious about changing and willing to start some of the hardest work in your life, A Friend’s House is waiting for you.

Please keep Elizabeth in your prayers as she begins this new chapter in her life!

Love in Christ,
Emily

Dear Friends,

On Wednesday night, one of my very good friends here will graduate and move back to her home state. I will definitely miss her presence in the house, but I am very excited for her and I can’t wait to hear how she is doing out in the “real world.” She has grown so much just in the time that I have been here, and though she is technically my junior, I look up to her in many ways, and she exudes wisdom far beyond her years.

I recently realized another benefit of the length of the program here. In other facilities that might last 30-60 days, it is much harder to see a great deal of growth in people. Although these shorter programs can be beneficial, people just kind of come in and out. As a newer resident, I didn’t really notice much difference between me and the people who completed the program. I think the opportunity new residents have here to witness people graduating is incredibly inspiring. It speaks volumes about the possibility for true change, if we are only willing to put forth the effort and be receptive to the help we are offered.

A week or so after I first arrived here, one of the girls graduated. Standing behind the podium, she spoke eloquently, confidently, and humbly. Life had dealt her an incredibly difficult hand filled with things that most people hear about and swear they could never deal with if it happened to them. And yet, standing behind the podium, her life no longer controlled by her issues, she was smiling. She is a true testament that change is possible in any situation, even those that may seem hopeless.

A lot of things take place here. Unhealthy coping skills decrease and may even eventually stop altogether. Issues from the past and present are worked through. Faith is nourished and grows. Communication and social skills are practiced and become more natural. Boundaries are established and negative beliefs are identified. The truth of the love of Christ is expressed not only in the curriculum, but also in the words and actions of the staff. More than a fantastic residential facility, this house becomes a home for the girls who inhabit it—perhaps a type of loving and secure home that many of us have never experienced before.

So far, I have witnessed two girls whose lives have been transformed by being here. I have experienced a transformation of my own, as well. In my most recent meeting with the therapist here, I laughed as I told her, “I promise I am not manic! But I am really, really happy.” I went on to explain that for the first time that I can ever remember, I am truly happy to be alive every day. I have, of course, been happy before…but not in the same way that I am now. In the past, my happy days were sporadic and based on external events, like having an exceptionally great time with friends, or the birth of my niece. Now, I have a true joy that remains steady—a peace that is internal and consistent despite what is going on around me. And that, my dear friends, is something that I have never experienced for more than a few fleeting moments before… something that can only be attributed to the grace of Christ.

Love in Him,

Emily

Dear Friends,

I want to reference last week’s blog and draw a parallel to Christianity. I think it is fair to say that Christians and would-be Christians alike often struggle with giving their entire life over to God. In the book Spiritual Freedom, Fr. Dave Pivonka reflects on one aspect of this when he mentions how we sometimes struggle with completely letting go of certain sins. Perhaps, he suggests, we cling to our sin because it is the only thing we possess that is truly ours—the only thing we have that God has not given us.

I know that there have been times in my life when I was pretty sure the Lord was nudging me to either stop doing something detrimental or to start doing something He wanted me to do. Sometimes, I resisted because I didn’t think I was equipped. Other times, I resisted because I didn’t want to sacrifice—whether it was a vice I was particularly attached to or simply time and energy I would have to dedicate to doing His will instead of my own.  Though I am a firm believer that His plan for my life will bring me more joy than my own plan ever could, I still frequently struggle with actually applying that belief.

I’ve heard people talk about the Christian faith as if it is a sacrifice on our part… as if we, as humans, trade in the freedom to do what we want with our lives for shackles, for a life of restraints and limits. Following Christ, people say, means a loss of freedom. This couldn’t be more inaccurate. The truth, as Fr. Dave so eloquently stated, is that we have nothing to give God that He didn’t give us first. The only thing we could possibly give is our sin, which is the very thing that actually restricts us. Can you think of any other place or circumstance where it would be possible to give someone something completely worthless and get back something which has immeasurable value? But this is exactly what kind of exchange takes place when we go to God with repentant hearts. We give him our sins, our shame, our shortcomings, and He gives us joy, acceptance, and love.

Such a decision seems like it would be a no-brainer, and yet it is one that people go back and forth on all the time. Perhaps it is our desire to be able to do everything on our own.  Maybe our culture has convinced us that alcohol, drugs, and sexual escapades are necessary rights of passage. Whatever the case, we must bring this paradoxical truth to the forefront of our minds whenever we are struggling with our commitment to Christ.  As Pope Benedict XVI said, Christ gives us everything, and He takes nothing away.  Only upon realizing this was I able to understand that freedom really is worth dying for—Christ proved that when He gave up His life on the cross. I used to think that choosing to drink, choosing to hurt myself, and generally choosing to live my life however I pleased, was just a facet of freedom. I was making my own choices, no doubt, but these choices were leading me further and further away from freedom. True freedom is found in living God’s plan for my life. It is found in Christ. Everything else is just bondage.

“If we let Christ into our lives, we lose nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing of what makes life free, beautiful and great. No! Only in this friendship are the doors of life opened wide. Only in this friendship is the great potential of human existence truly revealed. Only in this friendship do we experience beauty and liberation. And so, today, with great strength and great conviction, on the basis of long personal experience of life, I say to you, dear young people: Do not be afraid of Christ! He takes nothing away, and he gives you everything. When we give ourselves to him, we receive a hundredfold in return. Yes, open, open wide the doors to Christ – and you will find true life.” –Pope Benedict XVI

“Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought.” – Pope John Paul II

Love in Christ,
Emily

Dear Friends,

This week has gone by incredibly fast. I can’t believe it is already Friday! One of the things I was worried about before I decided to come to A Friend’s House was the fact that the program was much longer than other standard treatment programs. Even though I definitely wanted (and needed) the benefits of a long-term program, I kept wondering if I was really committed to sacrificing what seemed like such a big chunk of time. After a little bit of thought, I realized that if I continued on with life in the manner I was living it, it would truly be losing that same amount of time. If I sacrificed nothing, I would gain nothing.

So I decided that I was willing to make that commitment despite the fact that I would lose some freedoms that, at the time, I would have preferred to keep. Like any other 20-something in America, I spent way too much time on the internet. Facebook was my primary means of communicating with friends I’d made in college that lived hundreds of miles away from me. I wasn’t thrilled about the idea of not being able to contact them as easily and freely as I wanted to, but on the other hand, even when I talked to them, it was mostly just small talk. I wanted very few people to know the depths my depression had reached, so I told only my very best friend from college what I was going through, and even with her there were parts I left out or glossed over. With this in mind, I reasoned that the limits on communication could benefit me. I wouldn’t be getting—or giving—drunken phone calls or texts in the middle of the night, because I wouldn’t have access to my cell phone. I wouldn’t be wasting half the day surfing the internet, because computer time would be very limited and geared toward productivity. Instead of drowning out my negative thoughts by watching mind-numbingly ridiculous reality TV shows, I would be spending my days learning how to change my thinking patterns. I would finally have to follow through on my pledge to quit smoking—it isn’t allowed here. It took me a little while to decide whether or not I was willing to give all of that up. Regardless of the fact that I was making bad decision after bad decision after bad decision, I convinced myself that the freedom to do so was absolutely necessary. Despite the fact that I was living in a cage, it was at least a cage of my own construction.

In coming here, I have realized that I am still completely free to make choices. Even just deciding to come here was one of the most important choices I could have made. In doing so, I have chosen to place myself in an environment that will help me avoid the things I want to avoid and focus on the things I need to focus on. I have chosen to receive help instead of attempting to do everything on my own. I have chosen to seek accountability for my actions. I have chosen to seek to improve my circumstances, but more important, I have chosen to improve my ability to cope regardless of my circumstances. I chose to be receptive to the love and help that the people here at AFH offer. In coming here, I decided to live life instead of just existing.

One paradox about coming here is that contrary to what I expected, I lost very little and gained a whole lot. I lost a few things in life that I had become pretty attached to, like Facebook, my cell phone, and cigarettes, but in giving them up I was able to realize how little value those things actually hold. I now focus on the more important things, like growing in my faith, character development, and learning healthy coping strategies. I have been empowered, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

Love in Christ,
Emily

Dear Friends,

A few nights ago, I was doing a devotion that mentioned Simon of Cyrene.  He was the man at Calvary that was made to help Jesus carry the cross. It prompted me to reflect on how suffering is viewed.

When it comes to things we can’t fully understand, pain in the world is close to the top of the list. It seems only normal to try to avoid pain and suffering at all costs, and I think as Americans, our culture and lifestyle reflect our extreme disdain for discomfort. We have been learning in our most recent theology group that Americanized versions of eastern religions are becoming more popular, in part because some eastern belief systems, such as Buddhism, claim to have the answer to eliminating suffering. But despite our best efforts, we still experience hardships all throughout the course of life.

There are different explanations for why this might be, but it is safe to say that no one has quite figured it out. Even when we reason that suffering is a natural consequence of the fall, it somehow doesn’t seem like a satisfactory answer. This is especially true when considering the terrible cruelties and abuses that little children endure. Our minds have a tough time coping with how God, who is all good, can possibly allow such things to occur.

I won’t go into the varying theological explanations offered as an attempt to put people’s minds at ease on this issue. I am definitely no theologian myself.  I have to believe, though, that as much as my heart breaks for others going through extreme hardships, God’s heart breaks even more. I don’t believe that He is indifferent towards our suffering, else why would He reveal Himself as a loving, compassionate Father? Following this logic, I also must believe that pain serves a purpose–something beyond the common, almost cliché answer that suggests pain necessarily brings us closer to God. That answer seems incomplete to me because while pain can bring us closer to Christ, it is also cited as one of the most common reasons people fall away from God or never form a relationship with Him to begin with.

When reading about Simon of Cyrene, a couple of things occurred to me.  The first is that Jesus could have chosen to not need help carrying the cross, but for whatever reason, it was part of God’s plan that Simon assist Him. We know that this was not mere coincidence because the Holy Spirit led Matthew, Mark, and Luke to include this event in their Gospel accounts. So one must pause to ask, why did this happen and what does it mean for me?

Could it mean that God was indeed hinting that our pain is not meaningless? Could it mean that our pain, in fact, serves a higher purpose and just might help in some way, however small, to bring glory to God? This is what it meant for Simon of Cyrene. Although we don’t know exactly why, God chose to include Simon of Cyrene as a part of His plan for Good Friday.

The second thought that occurred to me–and this is very important–is that Simon did not go looking for ways to be in pain so as to further God’s glory. In the three Gospels where Simon is mentioned, it is said that the soldiers compelled him to help Jesus. In other words, it would seem that they asked him, and perhaps even had to do a little convincing. I think that this point is imperative, because I do not intend to suggest we go looking for ways to be miserable.  Simon certainly didn’t. I do, however, believe that suffering in this life is inevitable…but not meaningless, and not, as some would try to argue, a seemingly sadistic way of coercing people into accepting Christ. We know that this cannot be accurate because hardships occur even after we come to know Jesus.

Although it has been correctly stated that there is no need for us to suffer for the benefit of the salvation of mankind because Christ suffered for us by being scourged, carrying the cross, and ultimately dying on it, I think that this train of thought misses the point. We know that God needs nothing. If He wanted to, He could choose to carry out His plan without us being involved. But He calls us to be His Body, instead. He allows us to participate in His saving plan by evangelizing, ministering, and praying with and for others. These things are obligations we hold as Christians, but more than that, they are privileges. I will reiterate because I think this statement deserves adequate reflection: Our self-sufficient God chose to allow us to participate in His plan, despite the fact that He could have done things a different way that did not involve fallen sinners. It is for this reason that I believe our suffering, too, has a purpose that just might help further the Kingdom of God.

Love in Christ,

Emily

Dear Friends,

We finished up our Anger and Forgiveness group this past week. I have been very blessed over the past few years in that the Lord has given me the grace to truly and tangibly experience His love and mercy. That experience has spilled over into other areas of my life, including being able to make peace with my past and really begin to like myself–not because I am extraordinarily special (any more than anyone else) or because I am achieving any particularly great feats. Instead, it is because I have finally stopped struggling against God. I have given up trying to do it my way. My way has never worked in the long term. It barely worked at all in the short term. I used just about every unhealthy coping skill imaginable to deal with the pain I felt, from disordered eating to self-injury to substance abuse to unhealthy romantic relationships… the list goes on.

Learning to give those things up has not been easy. Instead of numbing the pain or ignoring it, I’ve had to learn to deal with it, and it has been a difficult process that takes time. I would never try to suggest that it doesn’t hurt, because the truth is, it hurts a lot. But what I can say for sure is that it is definitely worth it.  What I have been able to discover is that underneath all the things that I was using to try to cover up the pain is someone that I actually like. I can’t help but wonder if the reason I had so much trouble liking myself before is because I wasn’t myself before, at least not really. I was an altered version of myself. The real me had been hidden for so long that it is hard to tell if I was ever there to begin with. I didn’t know who I was apart from my addictions or my struggles, and up until somewhat recently, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Now that I am discovering who I really am, when everything else is stripped away, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Self-respect is more empowering than I could ever adequately describe. It may sound silly, but I can’t believe how much peace comes from simply living a life that doesn’t have parts I feel I have to hide or lie about. I guess those things were creating a lot more shame than I realized. Or maybe I just didn’t want to admit it at the time.

That’s the catch… anyone can do what I am doing, but they must be willing to give up the comfort found in the numbing and allow themselves to feel the pain. I would dare to say it is impossible to accomplish what we are meant to accomplish in this life without sacrificing something. It helps to remember that the definition of sacrifice isn’t just “to give something up”, but rather, “to give up something good for something better.” In doing just that, I have gained more in the past six months than I had in the 21 years of my life prior to my time here. I am growing into a person I like. I am growing into the person that God intended me to be. I am becoming me. 

Love,

Emily

Dear Friends,

This past week felt like a turning point for me. I started running again, which may seem like a “little” thing, but it is something I haven’t done in years. It was one of those things that I thought about and thought about and placed in the “someday” column, believing that I wasn’t in good enough shape to run. After talking to our therapist, Sue, I was encouraged to quit letting fear get in the way of accomplishing my goals. So I let go of the excuses, I let go of the fear, and I made a plan to run five days a week for the next 12 weeks. I plan on continuing beyond the 12 week point, but I didn’t actually write out the plan further than that yet. The first day I ran was pretty amazing–I didn’t go far, but I proved to myself that I am a lot more capable than I give myself credit for. The second and third days went smoothly too, although I had to use positive self-talk to keep myself going because my muscles were sore from the previous days. The fourth day, though, was a little different.

In my head I had built up how horrible it would be if someone saw me running and thought, What is she doing running? She is so out of shape!  What a joke! And at one point, near the end of my run, two guys drove by and the one nearest me poked his head out the passenger side window, looked at me, and laughed very loudly. I would like to say I believe it was just coincidence, and maybe it was, but at that moment what I had feared seemed to be occurring. For a split second I wanted to stop running, cry, and wallow in self-pity…but I didn’t.  I kept going, I started praying, and in a few seconds I started to focus on the fact that I was running despite being out of shape and I felt darn good about it. I decided not to care what anyone else thought–something that for me, as a people pleaser, is extremely hard to do. A minute or two later, a couple of the staff from A Friend’s House passed me and gave me a little cheer out the window. They had no idea what had occurred only moments earlier, but it was just what I needed at the very time I needed it.

We always hear people say, “God’s timing is perfect.”  This was an instance in which the truth of that statement was very apparent. He knew that I would be running down that street and that the guys would pass me and laugh out the window. He knew that whether or not they were actually laughing at me, I would believe that they were because of my fear. He knew that it would be difficult, but that it would be beneficial for me; I learned that it was no where near as big of a deal as I had imagined when I built up the fear in my head. He also knew that the AFH staff members would drive by, see me, and encourage me.  Our God truly is an awesome God.

Right now, running is one “small” thing that I can do, but I am certain that the mental and psychological effects will spill over into the other areas of my life. Despite my fears, I will continue to run. Little by little I am gaining confidence in a  way that I never have before coming to A Friend’s House and because of that, for the first time in a long time, I am truly excited about life. 

Love in Christ,

Emily

One of our residents wanted to write about her experience in the program at A Friend’s House. Below is the first of her posts, and she plans to write each week. I hope you enjoy getting to know her, and learning about the progress she’s making.

-Pam

Dear Friends,

I am starting this blog for two reasons. One, and the most important, is to express my gratitude to ALL the people who support A Friend’s House Ministries, whether through prayer, monetary donations, helping with the Stock The Shelves campaign, or in some other way. So many different people, groups, and organizations help to make AFH possible that it would be pretty extensive for me to list everything, but I do want you all to know that everything you do is very much appreciated. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of all the different people who contribute in some way to this ministry. I had at first thought of trying to make a thank-you card every day to be sent to different donors, but then I remembered one of my favorite movies, Pay It Forward, and I had a different idea.

That brings me to the second aim of this blog. My hope is that it will, in some way, connect you to us, the residents. If I chose to contribute to a ministry, I think the biggest “thanks” I could receive would be to know that I had made a real and powerful difference in someone’s life. My desire is to share with you the joys, struggles, laughter, and tears of this journey so that you might see the way you have made a difference in my life.  You have provided me with a beautiful home in which all my needs are more than met. You have helped me to be able to study amazing, Christ-centered curriculum that has empowered me to make good decisions. I’ve also been shown a very real love here that, along with growing stronger in my faith, has helped me to be able to love and respect myself, flaws and all. I’m excited to continue to grow here, and even more excited about how well-equipped I will be to truly love others when I graduate the program one day. I can only hope to “pay it forward” by touching someone else’s life in as meaningful a way as you have touched mine.

Thank you for providing for me so generously, for believing in me when I didn’t even believe in myself, and for loving me though we’ve never met.

Love in Christ,

Emily*

*The resident’s name was changed to protect her privacy.